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No topic off limits for Joan Rivers' comedy
September 4, 2014 / 7:58 PM / 3 years ago

No topic off limits for Joan Rivers' comedy

(Reuters) - When Joan Rivers wanted to make a joke, no topic was off limits. Not pompous celebrities, not her husband’s suicide, not the Holocaust and certainly not herself.

The following are some of her lines from her act and interviews:

* “I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.”

* “I started thinking about jokes while I was walking uptown on 9/11.”

* “Comedy is an angry white man’s game. Even if you’re Chris Rock or Joan Rivers, you’re really an angry white man.”

* “All my mother told me about sex was that the man goes on top and the woman on the bottom. For three years, my husband and I slept in bunk beds.”

* “I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.”

* “There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.”

* “My husband killed himself. And it was my fault. We were making love and I took the bag off my head.”

* “Looking 50 is great - if you’re 60.”

* “My parents just didn’t like me. ‘Til I was 9, my mother was trying to get an abortion.”

* “Katie Holmes is not a very good actress. Did you see her try and play John F. Kennedy’s wife? She was so bad he shot himself in it.”

* “I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.”

* “Look, nobody is 100 percent happy. I’m 93 percent happy, which means that I am very lucky. I think anyone who gets to even 60 percent should be glad.”

* “I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”

* “I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.”

Compiled by Bill Trott; Editing by Jonathan Oatis

Our Standards:The Thomson Reuters Trust Principles.
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